Three Families & a Rock Band

I needed a bridge – and, I didn’t even know it.

Growing up, I didn’t have any sisters.  Twenty years had drifted past since I last lived with my only brother.  I was twelve when he left home to join the navy.  So during my teens, I pretty much functioned as an only child.  For six years, day-to-day interaction at home was between three people: my mom, dad, and me.  Conversations had few interruptions. Drama was low-key.  Interactions were straightforward, and for the most part, life was predictable.

On top of this, it had been eight years since I had last lived at home with my parents.

So, in 1985, at the age of 31, I was a bit rusty with this thing called “family living”.  Oh, I had had lots of roommates, and lots of chances for kerfuffles.  I had participated in a fair number of simulated family and group home settings.  But, I was “less than current” on the intricacies of negotiating family dynamics - day in and day out.

Now before I get started, muse with me for a moment.  Let’s be hypothetical, and consider this scenario.

Let’s suppose (by chance), I was actually going to get married within two years.   And, “what if” I was to marry an extrovert who was from a significantly larger, and more robust, family system than mine?   (Let’s also say) that she was the oldest of five children, and her mother (let’s say again) was the oldest of nine children?  

If something like this were ever to happen to me, I am guessing that a “bridge experience” would be really helpful.  Advance prep-work to cover some gaps might be good.

In looking back at this season, it sure seems that God knew that.  Because for twenty-two months, between September 1985 and June 1987, I had a ringside seat for this thing called family living.  I was given a bridge, and it consisted of three families and one rock band.

Of all places, and of all things, my “re-orientation” started in Japan, and it started with - a rock band.

After winding up my travels in China, I had a hankering to visit my Bible school roommate, Yasu, in Japan.  (Read about him in “Tripping over Culture”.)  While corresponding with him, he invited me to join his Christian rock band on a three-week tour through Japan.   After two months of travelling within China, my “travel gene” was stoked.  I was all for it.  The timing fit.  How could I resist?

Back in 1975, Yasu had met a girl at the Bible school.  They had gotten married, and moved to Japan.  Once he returned to Japan, he and his brother formed the core of a Christian rock band.  They added members to the group; cut an album; were full-time musicians; and ministered throughout Japan.

It was a unique experience to go “on the road” with a Japanese Christian rock band.   We travelled through a good chunk of the country.  I watched two brothers work hard to make a risky enterprise work.  I got to experience the bond of a “band”, and help behind the scenes.   I also watched a family blend two cultures together; raise their young son and daughter; and blend that with full-time ministry.

 

My time in Japan was a great introduction, but after arriving back in the United States, my “re-orientation program” to family life ratcheted up a few more notches. 

It was not planned, nor intentional.  It “just happened”.  I ended up living with three families - in three cities and two states.  They were back-to-back-to-back: for nine, three, and nine months – successively.  Two were dear friends.  I had been in their weddings after college.  The third helped me get a job teaching ESL at a university.  We commuted together, and they also gave me a place to live.

Overall, this two-year season was intense.  I learned a lot about people.  It was invaluable to be exposed to different families and styles.  I experienced seven children - all under the age of 10.  Six were little girls - which was a new concept to me.  One was a newborn.  Yup, you heard that right!  We even shared a room for a spell.

This season was also humbling. I was in limbo most of the time.  I learned a lot about dependency upon God and others.  It stretched me to fit in as an appreciated guest.  I did a lot of dishes; cleaned a lot of bathrooms; and did lots of odd jobs.  In the process, I grew a lot.

When I look back, it was certainly a special and necessary season. 

And, when I look it as a “bridge experience”, my wandering doesn’t seem nearly as hit-and-miss as it did at the time.  Imagine that!

Note:  My “preparation for being married” was starting to come together, but I was still missing two key ingredients.  First, “she” needed a name!  Hmm?  And second, I needed to learn something extremely valuable about myself that would significantly prepare me to be “her” husband.  Stay tuned!

Next Time: The Recruiter’s Dilemma. 

In honor of my wife, and Mother’s Day, we will take a slight detour next time.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, there was another journey that was starting to run on a parallel path to mine.  This particular story takes place in 1984.  There’s still three years before both of our paths truly merge, but the timeframe fits, and it is an important ingredient in our story as a couple.  The next story is about Lisa, a possible trip to China, and a huge obstacle that she faced.

Photo Credits:

Top & Middle: Carr Collection

Bottom: Hohn Collection